Every time I go to a graduation with a commencement speaker, I sit there and think about what I would say if I was given the opportunity. This isn’t a phenomenon unique to me; one of my favorite essays ever, Wear Sunscreen by Mary Schmich, was born out of a similar exercise. What makes a good commencement speech? Should it be short or long? Should it subvert expectations or be more traditional[1]? Additionally, I think it could be a fun exercise to write one of these every few years to see how my advice might change. We always think we have it figured out, can’t wait to see how wrong I am.

Good afternoon parents, family, guests, faculty, and to the Class of 2024

(Important pause for dramatic effect)

You’re 80 years old. You’re sitting in a park, or maybe on the beach, or at a wedding or a funeral. Wherever you are; you are thinking, reflecting. And not just thinking about anything; you are thinking about the most important things in your life[2].

Knowing just that, what do we think it is?

An infinite number of possibilities between now and then, that ‘most important thing’ could be anything. I’m not so sure. Don’t get me wrong, there isn’t a person who exists that can predict what happens between now and then with any certainty for any individual here. But I’m not worried about the journey from point A to point B right now. I’m only concerned with Point B.

Because, today, I am going to contend to you that I can predict what will be in your head. In the infinite possibilities that exist for each one of us, the highs and the lows, the milestones: like a graduation, the personal achievements, the vacations, the mundaneness of some idle Tuesday, there exists only a small set of things in which we will receive true happiness from. True happiness. Not any of the fleeting moments we might experience throughout our lives. Happiness that emanates from within. Happiness that affirms every decision you have ever made.

As we age and our march towards infinity nears its end, and what was once a life spoiled with possibilities, turns into a life that’s been. What remains at the end will be simple. Our people and our community. Those you have shared your love with and those who have reflected it back upon you.

I say simple, not in an attempt to water it down, but to illustrate just how accessible it is to us all. So simple in fact that when we get caught up in the minutiae of everyday life it can sometimes fade into the background. So simple, that if taken seriously, you will never want for anything more in your life.

My point being, that regardless of the paths we choose to take or not take, we all end up in a pretty similar place. If you spend your summers in the South of France or working a summer camp, if you end up with 26 grandchildren or you never marry; it is well to remember our lives play out in our own heads, relative to our own values and our own expectations. All those things that seem so important right now will come and go. And as that all fades – and it will – the only things left will be the ones that have been present with us in every moment along the way.

Now if we know where we are going to end up, how does that change the way we might approach our journey? It’s a long journey so we need to pack light and we need to make sure those things are durable, that they’ll keep us warm on our coldest nights, and help us navigate in the darkest of places. These are our values. Maybe we bring Loyalty or Integrity or Empathy.

Patience, like underwear, is always best to have more than we think we need[3]. And I always save some room for one of my favorites – Wonder. A prism so often forgotten. Left behind once responsibility arrives to take its place. But every once and a while we are reminded to bring it out – allowing us to turn the most boring moments iridescent. Now we’re getting into the territory where each of us is going to be a little different. One of you might bring more Charity than I do, and someone else might bring enough Courage to fill this entire room.

These values are inexhaustive. They are not zero-sum. Give them away without question and without fear. And when you find them reflected back to you, you will be at home. Now this wouldn’t be a good commencement address unless I gave you some simple wrapped-up things to take with you. Take these with you, question them, dispense with them immediately. That’s your choice to make, I only ask that you don’t make it lightly.

Always have someone or something in your life that is more important than yourself

We are selfish creatures – millennia upon millennia of evolution has reinforced as much. There is not much we can do about that. However, when it comes to what we are selfish about we might be granted a bit more leeway.

A spouse, a family, a business, or even an ideal are all things that can be bigger than us; things that can move us beyond our own everyday myopic desires. Career achievement alone will not be enough to keep you warm on your darkest nights.

The details here do not matter as much, nor does the actual reality of things. Focusing on your career in hopes of supporting a family that doesn’t yet exist, but hopefully will 10 years down the line, might be enough for some. For others it could be a religious community or a charity.

But the more we can train ourselves to act outside our own, short-term self interests the easier it will become. And the more fulfilling each interaction in our daily lives will be.

Each and everyday

The most important day of your life is Day 14,231. Because you know what happens that day? Life happens. Just as much as it does on Day 6,732 or Day 23,980. Just as much as it does on your Graduation Day or on your wedding day.

All of the ordinary days serve as pixels in one giant image, pay as much attention to each as you can.[4]

Life moves quickly. Sometimes it can be tough to keep our heads above water. But the more often you can find times to remind yourself you are on this journey, the better. Don’t be afraid to find beauty in it all.

Agency is the most powerful weapon you can give someone

This one might be a bit out there, but bear with me. Loving as much as possible – given all of its downstream outcomes – should probably be the real lesson here. However, the key word here is weapon. Agency, which in my eyes is often a result of love, is something that people can wield for their own benefit. A strong belief within yourself about what you deserve – along with the willingness to act – can create pathways unavailable to those who might be more content with the cards they were dealt. I don’t mean to paint a picture of some reductive meritocracy where the only variable that matters is how hard you try. But knowing, instinctually, that you have the ability to impact your own destiny, is a belief that is worth more than just about anything. Sometimes we have all the control and sometimes we have none, perhaps it is better to lean more towards the former.

Or as Charlie Munger would say, in a way only he could, “Deserve what you want.”

Learn. From others and from yourself

Perhaps one of the biggest advantages you can give yourself in of life is a desire to learn and grow. This can be anything you make it. A musical instrument, serious academic studies, or latte art. Learning eventually bleeds into everything. You get familiar with who you are as a person and an awareness of who you aren’t. It can become an insatiable desire.

The best advice I can give you when it comes to learning is to cheat. Almost everything has been solved for you already by someone else, it will save you a lot of time if you can tap into that. Almost everything I know I can credit to other people for doing almost all the work for me. Picasso said, “Good artists copy, great artists steal”

Tap into other people’s experiences as much as possible. Stories of the ways in which people have succeeded and ways in which they have failed. Talk to some of our older guests here today, find out whether they regard close relationships or social status higher in terms of importance. Using other people’s experiences and wisdom is a cheat code that is available to all of us. Don’t be afraid to use it.

Everything in this speech has been sourced from someone else, somewhere along the way, whether I realize it or not. We stand on shoulders of giants, who stand on shoulders of giants. It becomes easy to forget, perhaps, that one day we might also become invisible giants ourselves.

Life’s journey is far from straight-forward but luckily we are not alone in it. Others will err, as will you. Learn from them, learn from yourself. Pick each other up along the way.

Sooner or later though, we’ll all end up on that park bench, or at the beach or wedding. Reflecting. Proud of the lives we’ve had. Thank You.

Footnotes

[1] I will do my best to limit the amount of content I steal directly from this

[2] This is the deployment of the didactic metaphor(parable?) that David Foster Wallace mentions in This is Water

[3] 50% of the reason for this entire exercise was so I could make this joke

[4] stole this from Tim Urban